Showing Up Instead of Shutting Down
inner turmoil, a change in perspective, and more things I love.
Fun fact-this month actually has five Wednesdays. I planned on sharing 25 things I love each Wednesday for the month to reach the total goal of 100. When I looked at my calendar today and realized that in fact, August has five not four Wednesdays the inner turmoil began. I planned on writing 100, not 125 but I also planned on posting every Wednesday this month. These two truths conflict with each other and for some reason I am having a really hard time deciding what to do. I am relatively positive whatever conclusion I come to will only really matter to me but that hasn’t seemed to stop the spiral or help me make a choice. I guess we can all be surprised next week together.
I would love to tell you that showing up to the page during a hard week last week changed my circumstances. However friends, that would be a lie and I do my very best to be honest and authentic with you. I can tell you that it did change my perspective. Some parts of life are hard, and frankly suck, but that doesn’t mean that God still isn’t showing up. In fact, I’d say the opposite is true. The harder things get, the more I recognize my need for Jesus. It would have been easier to make an excuse this week (primarily for myself) and not write out this list. It would have felt safer to shut down and shut in, but I read something in The Hard Good by Lisa Whittle this week that I’ve carried with me every single time I wanted to say no to the playdate, or not bother with my morning pages or Substack. She writes “Satan has a very vested interest in shutting you down. The more you shut down, the less you will do for God.” I can’t say how God will use these words, but I have faith that He will and that right there is reason enough to place my butt in the chair and start hitting the keys.
The Final Twenty-Five (maybe?) And Most Specific List of Things I love:
76. My kids' creativity. This week while watching a show in my bedroom Zoey broke into the craft supplies I’ve kept down there since we homeschooled. I entered my room to find an Amazon box cut up and a full diorama made. Just because. Her mini squishmallow has a really cool place to live now.
77. Cute Aprons. I have two hanging up in my kitchen that I use often, but I also have two more on my Amazon Wish List and possibly have one saved for later in my Target cart. I know I don’t need them which is why I haven’t purchased them yet, but also I WANT THEM.
78. The fact that my kitchen table is used all day every day. I almost cry every time I think of the meals we’ve shared, the games we’ve played, and the creativity that has happened at this table.1
79. Being barefoot. I call Zoey my hippie child because she only wears shoes when forced, but also, same.
80. Borrowing books from my friend Sam. I actually get excited when I bring up a book to her I’ve been wanting to read and she says she has it and asks if I’d like to borrow it. While yes I’m excited to read the book, I’m extra excited about her notes in the book. She highlights the best stuff, and her margin notes really make you pause.
81. Baskets. And more baskets. And baskets for my baskets.
82. That random aisle in Aldi that has kitchenware and home decor. I consider myself to be pretty minimal. Let’s say minimal-ish, except for books- that ship sailed a while ago. Something about those random fabric pumpkins and ten-dollar white casserole dishes just calls to me though. I can’t resist.
83. Photographing food. Sometimes I bake something simply so I can photograph it.2
84. Dresses and skirts. They are superior to jeans and you can’t get me to change my mind so don’t even try.
85. Ice Cream with a warm chocolate chip cookie.
86. The fact that I have never once in my 35 years of life mowed a lawn. 3
87. Buying and receiving gifts for no reason, just because you’re reminded of someone.
88. A warm bowl of soup.
89. A good color palette. Buying things that match my favorite color palette. See below for an example.4
90. The way leaves sound crunching underneath my feet on a walk in the fall.
91. When people love your children like they are their own.
92. When a dad from the football team offers to take Easton to practice while Brent is at work so I don’t have to, especially when it's raining.
93. Unexpected texts from friends, with the right words at the right time.
94. Comfortable slippers.
95. Pursuing growth. I love to learn, and grow. And find all of the resources and books to do just that. I have friends that have called me “the resource of resources” and it is something I’m pretty proud of. 5
96. When Zoey asks me to curl her hair. After two boys this makes my heart sing.
97. When my husband empties the dishwasher. I can’t be the only one who LOATHES this chore.
98. Meeting someone and just knowing they know Jesus. I can remember vividly the first time I came across a woman like this before I had my own relationship with Jesus. I thought if this is what it's like to know Jesus, count me in.
99. A well-timed text Gif or meme.
100. The fact that I actively wrote down 100 things I love and could keep going. It might be what I love the most, this will always be an incomplete list.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t want a new table soon Brent. We can love the next one just as much.
Don’t worry, it definitely still gets eaten.
I am spoiled by my husband and I do not for a second take that for granted. Or maybe I do, but I’m acknowledging that.
This includes yarn, home decor, kitchenware, clothing, etc…
There was a point where I had to stop reading parenting books because instead of growing I was just feeling like a crappy mom.
1. I love this. The intro got me because it’s so true.
2. Bare feet is the best way to wear feet.
3. I was just talking about how my kids all have aprons and I should probably get one myself. You’ll have to send me your faves!
4. I don’t mow our current lawn because our lawn mower shuts off until it is entirely cooled if you turn it off mid mow and I don’t think my three kids under 4 would let me mow the entire lawn without turning it off 🤣 BUT I did used to love mowing the lawn because I’d shove in my audiobook and watch the satisfying lawn lines appear.
5. One can never have enough baskets. It is my strong opinion that there is always use for them, no matter how minimal you are 😉🤭
The picture of you hugging the yarn is pure joy!