Seeing My Way Out.
a list of twenty-five things I love, written during a week I've struggled to love.
It is Wednesday Morning at 8:30 am and I am just now sitting down to type out the list of twenty-five things I love for this week. I feel like this week flew by, and not really in a good way. I know I’ve missed good moments with my kids, got stuck in bad moments with them. I’ve just spent the week feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed. It’s hard to show up to the page in any way other than that when this is how I feel. The words just all seem to fall short. However, I want to show up for myself with this list because even if it does not have an impact on any reader, I know it is having an impact on me. Putting my butt in the chair is a way I remind myself that I matter.
Showing up to write in the tension helps me see my way out of it.
Here is a list of twenty-five things I love, written in a week I’ve struggled to love.
51. Books. I love everything about them. The way they look, the way a new or old paperback book smells. Browsing them, listening to them, and reading them. I feel at home in a room surrounded by books.
52. Bookshelves. Obviously this one should not come as a surprise if you read the one above. I have dreams of floor to ceiling bookshelves just filled from top to bottom with books and curling up in a large comfy chair and reading for an entire day. Some people dream of days in exotic locations, I dream of days in cute libraries and bookstores. Don’t judge me.
53. Road trips, especially when they end with seeing someone you love. Or when I am the passenger and can read a book the entire time. (noticing a theme?)
54. Freshly washed sheets.
55. Fresh baked bread, and the olive oil with spices to dip it in. I’ll take three loaves please.
56. Mashed potatoes. Any potatoes really. If I had to live off of one food for the rest of my life I would pick potatoes in a heartbeat. Not only are there pretty much endless ways to prepare them, each way is pretty freaking delicious.
57. When Brent makes me a bowl of microwave popcorn every night while I tuck the kids into bed. Seriously, this might be one of the things I miss the most when he is out of town.
58. Jesus. When my kids tell someone about Jesus.
59. Mercy, and Grace. Everytime I think about them I’m in awe. So much love and kindness I don’t deserve but God lavishes on me anyway. Blows my mind in the best way.
60. When friends say they’ll pray for you. When friends literally stop what they are doing, put their hands on you and pray right there.
61. Big, curly hair. I’ve always loved it on other people but have thoroughly enjoyed embracing my own after 35 years of fighting with it to make it something it never could be (straight). It feels far more significant about embracing who I am than you would think.
62. Getting a new tattoo.
63. The way Brady bowls with bumpers. His ball bounces hard and quickly from bumper to bumper like a giant pinball and it makes me smile every time.
64. Picnics. I don’t have nearly enough of them.
65. When a song comes on the radio that I haven't heard in years and I can sing it word for word.
66. Blasting music in my car and singing like I am not actually tone deaf. 1
67. Movies and shows that make me feel something. I think it drives my husband insane that my favorite shows are usually the ones that make me cry every dang episode.
68. I love being extra kind to the grocery store clerk or barista, especially when they are busy or I just watched them interact with an extremely rude customer. I know the power of a kind smile, and how it can change an entire day.
69. When someone feels so passionately about something that it is contagious.
70. The way Zoey loves everything with her entire being. This includes rolly-pollies, toads, ladybugs, cookies, and baby teeth that she’s lost. (a story for another time.)
71. Paper lists, and crossing things off them. Sometimes I write something on my to-do list that I know I will be doing in 2 minutes just so I can cross it off when I’m done.
72. When Brent reads my substack and sends me a thoughtful email response. They feel like love letters that I look forward to every time I hit publish. 2
73. When someone tells me they made a recipe I shared with them. It makes me unreasonably happy and I can’t explain why.
74. Card games. Skip-bo is a favorite but I’ll play pretty much any card game.
75. I love that as I type this I’m listening to my kids play card games in the kitchen and I get to grab my coffee and join them as soon as I send this.
Spoiler alert- I am in fact tone deaf.
No pressure babe.
I love this list!
Oh I love this and as a reader, it's actually nice to know that other mums have weeks where it just isn't quite right. I'm with you on books, book shelves, reading all day and on shows/movies that make you cry 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻