I inspect the rock-hard triangle of peanut butter cookie, locked safely in a zip-lock bag, tucked under the massive pile of colorful squishmallows on her bed.
Has this cookie really been here since January?
I think back to when I first made this treat. I always crave warm cookies on cool evenings, but I ran out of the homemade chocolate chip cookie dough I usually keep stored in the freezer. At first, Zoey doesn’t even want to taste the cookie. She is a creature of habit and is not thrilled that I present her with something other than our usual indulgence. “You LOVE peanut butter!” I remind her. “I know you’ll like it if you’d just try it. Just take one small bite. Please!” I plead as my impatience with my picky daughter begins to fester. “FINE!” Zoey sighs like she was just asked to eat brussel sprouts. After the first skeptical nibble, she declares it is good enough to continue eating. However, with a quarter of the cookie left, she announces she’s finished and can’t bear to eat another bite. She sits across from me on the couch, legs overlapping with mine, snuggled under the same oatmeal-knitted blanket, sobbing because I advise her to finish the cookie or throw it away.
Confused by the tears, I ask “What’s wrong sweet girl?” This reaction would make more sense to me if I was forcing her to finish eating the cookie. She hates it when I make her finish whatever food she has declared she’s too full to eat. It’s funny how she is never too full to ask for candy or another sweet treat. This girl most definitely has her mother’s sweet tooth.
“I’ll miss Mr. Cookie so much! I don’t want to throw him away!” she roars.
Wait, when did this cookie she was so hesitant to taste become something with a name she can’t bring herself to part with?
//
This is not the first time Zoey’s attachment to something has caught me off guard. She lost her first tooth earlier in the year and the excitement of losing it and the anticipation of the tooth fairy quickly turned into distress when it was time to tuck the tooth under the pillow. She went from celebration to mourning in a flash.
Sentiments like “It was my first baby tooth. I’ll miss it so much.” And “It was my favorite tooth, I don’t want it to be gone!” were uttered by my sweet girl with her cerulean eyes wet with tears.
I know she wasn’t trying to be “difficult,” as some might say, she was genuinely sad. Saying goodbye to this tooth that she worked hard to wiggle out suddenly became too much to bear. I was unsure how to respond.
Do I let her keep the tooth and skip the whole tooth fairy thing?
Do I make her put it under her pillow and hope the money that comes will overshadow the grief she’s feeling?
What do I do here?
In a parenting move, I’m honestly quite proud of, I asked her what she thought we should do.
Without missing a beat, Zoey had a solution.
Has she been wrestling with this joy/grief longer than she’s let me see?
“I’ll write the tooth fairy a note, Mommy. I’ll ask if she’ll still leave the money but also leave my tooth!” She radiated with excitement.
I could tell she was positive this solution would work. This also meant if I didn’t leave the tooth behind with the dollar I had shoved in my pocket ready to tuck under her pillow, I would break her heart. There is no solace in the fact that she wouldn’t know it was me, because it doesn’t matter who ruined the magic, it just matters that it’s ruined.
At four am I woke up in a panic because I never remember to put the money under the pillow before I go to bed. Do not put tooth fairy on my resume of good qualities as a mom. I tip-toed up to her room and slowly slid the dollar under her unicorn pillow pet in exchange for the note she wrote. I left the tooth in the little yellow container from her teacher behind. I smiled as I slowly closed her bedroom door, knowing we both got to keep something special.
//
Back in her bedroom, about a year after her first lost tooth, I move the zip-lock bag with the rock-hard cookie to the floor next to her bed as I straighten the white comforter. Next, I carefully place each brightly colored stuffed animal in its rightful place. I remind myself that Rainbow goes next to Bluey and Slumber Sloth sits next to Bunny, ready to be tucked under her arms at bedtime. I admire a job well done and pick up the zip-lock bag. I turn it over in my hands for a moment and smile as I notice the little yellow toothbox sitting on her shelf. I decide to slip the cookie bag back where she has it hidden.
I know eventually she’ll have to let it go, but maybe it isn’t just Zoey who’s not ready.
Because who doesn’t love a good cookie recipe?
Gluten-Free Peanut Butter Cookie Recipe
Ingredients:
½ cup butter (1 stick) softened/room temperature
¼ cup granulated sugar
¾ cup packed light brown sugar
¾ cup creamy peanut butter
1 large egg
1 ½ teaspoon vanilla extract
¼ teaspoon salt
¾ teaspoon baking soda
1 ⅓ cup gluten-free flour
Instructions:
In a medium bowl mix together salt, baking soda, and gluten-free flour. Set aside.
In a stand mixer cream together the butter, brown sugar, and granulated sugar.
Add the peanut butter and mix until smooth.
Add egg and vanilla and mix to combine.
Slowly add dry ingredients to the stand mixer while running on slow. Scrape down the sides and mix until combined.
Cover bowl with plastic wrap and place in refrigerator for 30 minutes so the dough can hydrate. (This is important to do with gluten-free flour so you don’t have grainy cookies)
Preheat oven to 350℉ and line cookie sheet with parchment paper.
Scoop 1 ½ tablespoon-sized balls onto the cookie sheet. Dip a fork in sugar and press on cookies to create a criss-cross pattern.
Bake cookies for 10-12 minutes. Allow cookies to cool on the cookie sheet for a few minutes before transferring to the cooling rack.
Notes:
Make sure you use gluten-free flour with a binding agent in it. I prefer Bob’s Red Mill.
I have tried to use natural peanut butter but these cookies cook best with brands like Skippy or Jiff.
Sometimes I like to top these cookies with flaky sea salt. The salt and peanut butter combination is DELICIOUS.
Love it and goodness, this is so funny to me because I had two kids who were SUPER attached to their first tooth!! My eldest did the same thing yours did--wrote a letter of explanation and negotiation. My youngest held her tooth in her mouth by clamping her jaws shut for two days. 😳 I mean, she didn’t eat, didn’t really talk. It was so stressful. Finally we convinced her it was okay for it to come out, and she literally opened her mouth and it fell out. This was after she’d been so excited for it to fall out and was kind of a “late bloomer” as far as teeth go!! Anyway, kids. They are a mystery wrapped in an enigma. 🫠
Those cerulean eyes 💕 Loved reading this again in the wild, friend! And absolutely adding these cookies to me to-be-baked list (TBB...like TBR 😂 lol)