I can't write

let me tell you why

I can’t write¹ because it is a beautiful weekend in May and my kids are home. They are old enough to occupy themselves but I have thoroughly convinced myself that if I don’t orchestrate a beautiful time for this beautiful weather then I have failed them as a mother. I need to be present with them, or at least for them. I obviously can not be present with them and write. 

I can’t write because my husband is working twelve-hour days, six days a week. We don’t get a lot of family time when he’s out of the house from 4 am until 7 pm and all of my mental energy goes to keeping the boat afloat without his calming presence. A pity party, or texting friends is easier than putting pen to paper and facing my feelings. 

I can’t write because nothing on paper is ever as magnificent as it is in my head. I am a master at crafting essays or poems in the car or the shower but the second my mind thinks “I should write this down” it is like an imaginary switch flips and every decent word in my head flies away. 

I can’t write because I have too many books to read. I have at least ten unread books on my bookshelf currently. There are another five or so in my Amazon cart waiting for me to click purchase. At least seven more on a growing list on my phone, because every time someone raves about a book on social media, it just gets added to a list. I can’t write because I have at least one book to finish today, and another two chapters to read in another. It’s much easier to get lost in someone else’s prose than attempt my own. 

I can’t write because Netflix released four new episodes of Bridgerton this week and the couch and a knitted blanket are calling my name.

I can’t write because I have bananas that are far too ripe to eat on the counter and I should bake something with them. Also, I’ve been craving a good gluten-free lemon dessert and still haven’t mastered one. It feels easier to experiment with recipes than to wrestle with words.

I can’t write because another pile of dog hair caught on my slippers reminding me that I desperately need to clean my floors. 

I can’t write because lunches need to be made, permission slips need to be signed, and donations need to be made for the end-of-the-year school parties. 

I can’t write because the desire to homeschool my kids next year occupies much of my mental space. I dream of slow mornings instead of constant reminders to eat their breakfast so we aren’t late, read-alouds snuggled on the couch instead of tales of “silent lunches”,  and learning outside on a quilt instead of losing recess minutes for “not being in the correct writing position.”

I can’t write because the kids have created Lego worlds on the back deck and I must get out there with my camera to document it. 

I can’t write because I am still working out the best way to merge my photography with my writing. I dream of the perfect collaboration of the two, story-telling at its finest. However, this eludes me. ²

I can’t write because most of what I think about writing feels too personal or not mine to share. 

I can’t write because who else will make the s’mores tonight if I am not in the backyard at the fire? Also, who else will eat the first one? 

I can’t write because my kids are supposed to be playing at the neighbor’s house and my daughter just showed up crying at the back door needing her belly and heart to be filled. And she is more important than my word count. 

I can’t write because life is hard. The needs pile up, both my own, and those of the ones I love. Sometimes, not writing seems like the most logical, or only choice. That is until I write about that too. 

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The lovely spot I can’t write from.

Some of the life happening while I can't write.

Please feel free to make me feel less alone and tell me why you can’t write.

1. Inspired by this post by Annelise Roberts from Writing While Washing.

2. Also I can’t write because I have to look up the correct spelling and definition to elude-to evade. or to escape perception or understanding. Not to be confused with allude-to refer casually or indirectly; make an allusion.