Let’s start with some backstory. I have been writing in some capacity for as long as I can remember. I have (or maybe had because I got rid of a lot in 2019 when I discovered minimal-ish) boxes filled with notes written back and forth between myself and junior high friends. I have totes filled with different size notebooks all containing the thoughts of a teenage me. I told my mom I was pregnant at nineteen through a letter written in a journal we shared together. My now-husband first became my boyfriend thanks to a very charming written facebook message telling him the “ball was in his court.” I wrote my wedding vows. My instagram captions could absolutely make a blog, based on both length and content.
I have started (and stopped) more blogs than I can count. Actually, that part is a small lie, I know that the number is higher than five but less than ten. The longest running so far is the Substack you are currently reading. I could give you a million different reasons, or really excuses, about why I can’t seem to stick with writing in one space but I think I finally figured out what it really boils down to.
Every single time I try to be what I’ve decided is a “real writer”, I stop writing altogether.
What is a real writer you ask?
Great question, I would love to tell you. (Anyone else like to channel their inner Elyse Myers?)
A real writer has mastered the art of storytelling. Her essays, or books, or blog posts are loved by all. She gets work published regularly. She has polished grammar and she definitely knows if the period belongs inside or outside of the quotation marks. A real writer not only tells her story beautifully, but also makes sure it is universal. If you are reading the writing of a real writer you know it. You are amazed by her prose. Her use of figurative language adds a layer of meaning you didn’t expect to encounter. She never accidentally switches tenses. It is always on purpose, and always makes the story better. A real writer never uses words like happy, mad and sad. Instead her characters are delighted, disgruntled, and despondent. A real writer sits at her desk in her beautifully decorated home office and the words just effortlessly flow from the tips of her fingers on the keys to the screen. A real writer has documents and notebooks filled with essays just waiting to be read. Her best friend isn’t the backspace key, but rather the publish key.
Obviously, I have romanticized a real writer. I have crafted a vision in my mind of a person who very well likely does not exist.
I can tell you that she does not exist in the four walls of my home. My notebooks and google docs are mostly filled with words I’d be mortified if someone read. When my writing mastermind edits my work, there’s at least one time I put that darn period in the wrong place, or switched tenses probably in the middle of a sentence.
Actually if anything I have read on the craft of writing is telling the truth, this “real writer” that exists in my head, only exists in my head. She is not out there walking around in the real world. I should probably stop trying to be her, because she is not real.
In my pursuit of being universal I lost the ability to be relatable. In my attempt to make my writing shareable, I lost the ability to make it honest. In my desire for perfect prose, I lost my voice. While I was busy trying to be a real writer, I stopped writing.
I can tell you what a real writer does. A real writer writes. She taps at the keyboard or puts pen to paper often. She writes because she can. She writes because she wants to. She writes because she has to.
So friends, here’s to writing messy first drafts, sloppy second drafts, good enough third drafts. Here’s to words shared, and words not shared. Hearts tucked away in notebooks never to be read. Stories told because they deserve to be. Writing to find our voice. Writing, because we are real writers.
Love this! You, my friend, are a GREAT writer ❤️
Oh Dani I feel this deep in my soul. Yes, a real writer writes!! This felt like a giant permission slip to just keep doing the dang thing!